David Mixner [1946-2024]: How to Influence a Nation
David Mixner [1946-2024]: How to Influence a Nation
Tonight, we mourn the passing of David Benjamin Mixner. From his early days campaigning for John F Kennedy to his final acts of courage, Mixner's legacy shaped a nation at great cost to himself.
This evening, we mourn the passing of David Benjamin Mixner, a giant in the global struggle for LGBTQ+ rights and a man of tenacity and heart. Mixner's death was announced earlier on his Facebook page. From his early days campaigning for John F. Kennedy to his final acts of courage, Mixner’s legacy shaped a nation at great cost to himself. Here are some thoughts on a life driven by principle and an unyielding pursuit of justice
David’s most significant accomplishment as an activist was that he retained his moral authority through thick and thin. That’s why, until the end, his endorsement and advice remained valuable to political candidates and LGBTQ+ organizations alike, who made the pilgrimage to Hell’s Kitchen to obtain his blessing.
“You live your principles, and there’s a price sometimes. And sometimes there’s a great price,” he once said about the consequences of his stance on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT).
Long before DADT in 1978, Mixner and his partner Peter Scott convinced then-Governor Ronald Reagan to oppose Proposition 6[2], a far-right legislation that aimed to “protect children from homosexual teachers." While Mixner later described Reagan as “one of the most gracious men in politics I have ever met,” he also said, “There’s no question in my mind — none — that if Ronald Reagan had acted on AIDS ... most of my friends would still be alive today”. Reagan’s neglect of the HIV/AIDS epidemic ultimately led Mixner to support Bill Clinton and indirectly guide the federal government to address the epidemic.
When Mixner met Clinton, he saw potential. Few politicians accepted political contributions from gays in the early 1990s. Mixner introduced the Clintons to queer America in 1991 and convinced Bill to court the gay community, something no presidential candidate had ever done before. Mixner raised several millions from the community to support Clinton’s campaign. His reputation was assured at that point—he was only 45 years old.
But, by 1993, he famously fell out with Clinton, whom he felt had betrayed his campaign promise to overturn the unjust ban on gays serving in the military. "I don't think there's ever before been a demonstration when major donors were arrested after their candidate's election."
After 1993, the ostracization[4] Mixner experienced took a visible toll. He reportedly lost all his clients and couldn’t work for years. Eventually, he said he was pawning watches to pay his rent[4]. His attempts to pressure the administration to fulfill its campaign promises cost him much more than he let on. Mixner might have misread the times and the political context —Clinton faced fierce opposition from the Joint Chiefs of Staff against lifting the ban—but this fantastic act of defiance was the ultimate sacrifice.
Clinton’s 1996 signing of the Republican-sponsored Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) entrenched that feud[5]. David would later say: “[Clinton] made a political calculation that was an immoral calculation." The following year, Mixner published his memoir Stranger Among Friends[11], which merged his evolution as a gay rights leader with a critique of the Clinton campaign and DADT. Mixner eventually supported Obama over Hillary in the 2008 Democratic presidential primary. He would further infuriate Clinton’s allies by endorsing Bernie Sanders in the 2016 presidential primaries, a rebuke to unbridled capitalism.
It is the hallmark of great people to be controversial. Mixner was wary of those who want everyone to like them—usually, they're selling something. He consistently denounced greed, clientelism, and unethical political compromises. It takes courage to denounce greed in America.
After the end of the Vietnam War, Mixner’s activism ranged from advocating for civil rights legislation—he claimed he was once jailed alongside Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and loved to say he spent the night in jail with Maxine Waters—to contributing to the response to the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Mixner’s trilogy of Broadway shows[6], which started playing in 2014 to benefit homeless LGBTQ+ youth, represents how he dedicated his life and creativity to others. After growing up in poverty, Mixner saw many of his friends die in Vietnam and later during the HIV/AIDS epidemic [7]. Scott, his partner of more than twelve years, died from an AIDS-related illness in 1989. Mixner fought unrelenting racism and attacks on reproductive rights, and lately, he was the flag bearer of the LGBTQ+ resistance against Donald Trump.
Activism, like politics, is a balancing act between egomania and a desire to help others. Telling society, “You are wrong, and I am right,” requires some ego. The key is for the desire to serve to remain the strongest motive. That’s often elusive, but Mixner found that balance. Unlike Larry Kramer, he always believed in the LGBTQ+ community despite its shortcomings.
In 2017, I attended Mixner’s show “1969,”[6] which started with his co-organizing the crucial Moratorium to End the War in Vietnam. Shortly after, another prominent gay operative cheekily asked me, “How was it? I heard Mixner single-handedly ended the Vietnam War—and I naively thought it was Kissinger!”
David was a storyteller. Sure, he exaggerated at times, but this quip mainly illustrates how he angered more than a few people in his 64 years of activism. By then, David had become a “living legend,” as he joked. He was less powerful and, therefore, unanimously loved. Everyone humored him, though some, in private, hung on to their resentments.
His stance on DADT cost him his business. And, despite raising over $30 million for Democrats and social causes in his lifetime, David ended up broke as his medical bills piled up. He told me that only his poorest gay friends contributed to the Patreon campaign for his YouTube channel, Mixner’s Corner, which he had established to help pay for rent. By then, he had sold Turkey Hollow [13], his bright yellow house in the Catskills, pressured by the great American healthcare racket he denounced in his swan song-show You Make Me Sick.” A silver lining of the 2013 Barilla controversy is that Mixner joined their DEI advisory board, creating a much-needed source of income.
A life of true activism is necessarily heartbreaking, lonely, and poor; one’s legend is the only silver lining. My friend Reverend Albert Ogle articulated Mixner’s plight best while speaking on a related subject: “[This] is a common story. How can a person with integrity and a belief in the good of an institution advocate for change for marginalized people and not get eaten up or sidelined in the process?"
This is not to say that Mixner did not experience joy in his later years. He did. I never heard him express self-pity or bitterness; he was laughing, flirtatious, and mischievous whenever we grabbed lunch. He felt vindicated in many respects. Sometimes, he would mention without lingering his tremendous grief for those he lost. I could never assess the extent to which it haunted him. David, like many in our community, also battled addictions, difficulties managing his weight, HIV, and, eventually, long-term COVID. After receiving his last rites while in the ICU in 2017, he spent his last years as borrowed time. He loved his cats, rice cookies, storms, tornadoes, and hot men, particularly cowboys. He had guests for lunch at the Glass House Tavern across the street from his tiny apartment, many of whom were LGBTQ+ politicians and activists he mentored.
In his close circle, you’d find Broadway actors, the actress Judith Light, the filmmaker Dustin Lance Black, the North America Barilla CEO Jean-Pierre Comte, Bob Shrum and Oatsie, of course, a handful of politicians- some disgraced, some not- a waiter from Trattoria Tricolore’s [9], a state department official, a trans kid, a pornstar and drag queens-turned-politicians. When he felt a respite, he would accept invitations to speak worldwide, most recently in Milan, Dubai, and Amsterdam. In 2021, he supported me in setting up the Institute of Current World Affairs’ David Mixner LGBTQ+ fellowship to nurture the next generation of social justice leaders.
Like many, I came by to bid David farewell ten days ago with my sons. He gave me four last pieces of advice: avoid self-righteousness, foster dialogue with the other side, tell people firmly but gently when they disappoint you, and—now looking me directly in the eyes—he urged me to find joy in life beyond activism. “How can you successfully argue for a better world if you don’t find joy in the world yourself?” he asked.
As a final piece of wisdom, he shared the prayer he repeated every day: “Dear God, I know today can be filled with dark, ugly storms and bloody rocks. I also know that there will be at least one moment of light and joy, and my prayer is that you do not let me miss it. Amen.”
In his last years, David the activist and David the legend became that beacon of light amid an ugly storm of wars abroad and renewed attacks on diversity, reproductive rights, access to healthcare, and eventually LGBTQ+ acceptance. Almost every battle he fought had to be fought again. Mixner's success in influencing America stemmed from a rare combination of political vision, organizing skills, a passion for justice, and desire to build bridges with the other side.
I see Mixner’s grit in a new generation of activists like Nadine Smith of Equality Florida or the Gender Cool Project. When I asked him if he would consider staying with us until after this year’s presidential election, he joked, “After me, the flood.” He meant that this is a battle for others to fight: our willingness to sacrifice and the courage of our convictions will be his enduring legacy.
Ted Kennedy once quoted his brother, Robert, in introducing David:
“Each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”
RFK, 1966
May he rest in peace. David’s services will take place on March 25th in New York.
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Fabrice Houdart is an LGBTQ+ activist and academic. He first met David in 2016 in New York while posted at the United Nations and was blessed with his friendship and counsel for the years after that. In 2021, to honor Mixner on his 75th birthday, he spearheaded the David Mixner LGBTQ+ Fellowship, a two-year fellowship to study global LGBTQ+ issues through the Institute of Current World Affairs (ICWA). Generous donors funded the first fellow including Barilla, the Pallette Fund, and the Bohnett Foundation. Click here to support the Mixner fellowship and honor David’s legacy.
References:
[1] Ocamb, K. (2018, December 20). David Mixner on how DADT happened: Clinton’s betrayal was an awakening. Washington Blade. Retrieved March 11, 2024, from Washington Blade’s website.
[2] During the Anita Bryant era, one of strong opposition to gay rights, John Briggs, a far-right legislator, campaigned for Proposition 6 to "protect children from homosexual teachers." Reagan opposed it, and it was eventually defeated.
[3] Loose, C. (1993, July 30). Former Clinton adviser arrested in gay-rights protest at White House. The Washington Post. Retrieved March 11, 2024, from Washington Post’s archives.
[4]“In twenty-four hours, I lost every one of my clients and couldn’t work for four years. I was selling watches to pay for my rent. Jeremy [Bernard], literally, was taking my watches down to pawn shops to pay for my rent” - (Ocamb, K. - 2018)
[5] Mixner would eventually host an LGBT event thanking Clinton for his engagement with the community in 1999. Broder, J. M. (1999, October 4). Gay and Lesbian Group Offers Thanks to Clinton. New York Times Retrieved from URL.
[6] A tetralogy actually: “Oh, Hell No!” (2014), “1969” (2017), “Who Fell in the Outhouse” (2018), and finally “You Make Me Sick” (2019).
[7] “I gave 90 eulogies [...] for young men under 40 “ Ocamb, Karen. "David Mixner is retiring." Tyler Clementi Foundation’s website, 24 Oct. 2019, URL
[8] Although a famous gay GOP operative sent him a substantive monthly check.
[9] The Glass House Tavern, where the original “Mixner Corner” is marked with a sign on the wall, stopped serving lunch following the pandemic.
[10] Los Angeles Times. (1986, August 25). Peace Marchers Make It to Chicago: Anti-Nuclear Group. Retrieved March 11, 2024, from https://www.latimes.com› archives
[11] The book also chronicles the gay and lesbian rights movement's rise in Los Angeles politics from the 1970s to the early 1990s. Stranger among Friends. New York: Random House, 1996.
[12] At the height of Reagan’s presidential power, in 1985, Mixner took issue with the massive build-up of America’s nuclear arsenal and, at 37, decided to organize a Great Peace March. Unfortunately, the March was a very public flop[10]. This style of activism had gone out of fashion, and he had misread the room. Yet, six years later, he was campaigning for Bill Clinton. His capacity to reinvent himself was infinite; therefore, he led multiple lives to the point that his friend Alan Van Capelle nicknamed him the “Forrest Gump of the gay community.”
[13] The house profiled in this NYTimes in 2017 and his third book, At Home with Myself: Stories from the Hills of Turkey Hollow.
David was a great activists and collaborator for our community. We always learned from him, witnessed his impact, and had lots of smiles and laughs all the while. Our hearts go out to his family and friends. -Toby Usnik & Harlan Bratcher
Thank you, Fabrice, for such a loving and moving tribute. David was a light in all of our lives, and I feel fortunate to have had him as a dear friend